14
Oct
07

Coffee powered Vista

Stuff’n’Stuff has written a pretty funny article about Microsoft Vista. In his rant he covers all the versions of Vista available – ones that you probably didn’t know of.

According to the adverts, I thought I was buying something like the Super-deluxe but as it turned out it was more like the Utter Crap one (seriously, I have no problems with Vista and actually prefer it over XP – but it isn’t a huge leap forward).

Vista Standard Edition

Features: Has everything except anything that you might consider cool, interesting, or useful

Cost: Low

Vista Business Edition

Features: Watches what you are doing and reports when you are slacking off or viewing pornographic sites to your boss.

Cost: Medium

Vista Millennium Edition

Features: Appears to be good because it has the word “millennium” in it, but it’s actually a trick and nothing works.

Cost: Medium-High

Vista Super-Deluxe Amazing Ultimate Banzai Power2

Features: Uses a potent combination of 3.0GHz processors and OxiClean to quickly perform tasks and remove tough stains. Call within the next 15 minutes and we’ll throw in TWO free copies of Windows 95! That’s a $2.00 value, FREE! 1-800-525-5555

Cost: 37 easy payments of $29.99 Allow 2-8 months for shipping.

Grande Mocha Frappuccino Ristretto Vista Edition

Features: Vista served with a shot of espresso mixed in with chocolate and topped with whipped cream.

Cost: $5.99

Vista 300bit Edition

Features: This is compatibility… It can Dual-Process! Dual-Process…?

THIS… IS… VISTAAAA!!!! This version is so great, it kicks Mac computers right down a bottomless well.

Cost: A mix of loyalty and blood

Vista Quasi Omniscient Omega Edition

Features: Uses the power of quantum computing to bypass normal thresholds of space and time, allowing you to save and print documents before you even write them and receive error messages from programs that haven’t yet been installed. Safety not guaranteed.

Cost: Hundreds of thousands of dollars, plus your soul.

Vista Utter Crap Edition

Features: It’s basically XP, only you give Microsoft more money and most of your programs don’t work.

Cost: Low


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