According to the adverts, I thought I was buying something like the Super-deluxe but as it turned out it was more like the Utter Crap one (seriously, I have no problems with Vista and actually prefer it over XP – but it isn’t a huge leap forward).
Vista Standard Edition
Features: Has everything except anything that you might consider cool, interesting, or useful
Vista Business Edition
Features: Watches what you are doing and reports when you are slacking off or viewing pornographic sites to your boss.
Vista Millennium Edition
Features: Appears to be good because it has the word “millennium” in it, but it’s actually a trick and nothing works.
Vista Super-Deluxe Amazing Ultimate Banzai Power2
Features: Uses a potent combination of 3.0GHz processors and OxiClean to quickly perform tasks and remove tough stains. Call within the next 15 minutes and we’ll throw in TWO free copies of Windows 95! That’s a $2.00 value, FREE! 1-800-525-5555
Cost: 37 easy payments of $29.99 Allow 2-8 months for shipping.
Grande Mocha Frappuccino Ristretto Vista Edition
Features: Vista served with a shot of espresso mixed in with chocolate and topped with whipped cream.
Vista 300bit Edition
Features: This is compatibility… It can Dual-Process! Dual-Process…?
THIS… IS… VISTAAAA!!!! This version is so great, it kicks Mac computers right down a bottomless well.
Cost: A mix of loyalty and blood
Vista Quasi Omniscient Omega Edition
Features: Uses the power of quantum computing to bypass normal thresholds of space and time, allowing you to save and print documents before you even write them and receive error messages from programs that haven’t yet been installed. Safety not guaranteed.
Cost: Hundreds of thousands of dollars, plus your soul.
Vista Utter Crap Edition
Features: It’s basically XP, only you give Microsoft more money and most of your programs don’t work.